A prestigous physician organization is having a pool party at his home on a weekend. I am relatively new with this organization and manage one of the dept. I am finding myself in the middle of a values debate. There are staff who (like myself) feel it is inappropriate to socialize on personal time with subordinates and co-workers. There are other staff who are very excited about going to the bosses’ house and talk about the bikinis they are going to wear, etc.

While I have declined the invitation on the premise that I have other plans, I think this is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. In addition, I have worked so hard to have a professional image at work that I cannot imagine either seeing my subordinates, co-workers, and boss in swimming “attire” or having them see me in such a personal state of undress. (Yes, I am modest, but have my share of swimming suits that I wear around friends and family ). How can I assist those staff who are feeling pressured to attend a function they feel is inappropriate or makes them uncomfortable?

Less Allen, of BusinessPerformance.com, a business performance improvement software company, says “there are no easy answers with this one. On the values side, I have always valued the forming of personal (not intimate) bonds between employees and between employees and managers.” A number of employee engagement studies have shown that one factor in getting more discretionary effort from employees is satisfying their need for social belonging. Yes, you could say that this can be satisfied during work time, however, I cannot se any reason per se to limiting it to working hours.

How this can play out successfully in a company depends on the culture of that company. And in your case I can see how there can be a clash between the company culture and the culture of individuals and sub-cultures within the company. As to how to assist those staffs that feel the same way as you do, I would think that there are two options:

1. If they are comfortable in being assertive (not aggressive), then to just decline the invitation explaining truthfully the reason for their discomfort, OR

2. Respond as you did with a “polite” excuse.

These comments are assuming that you are not the HR Manager or similar. If you are, then you have the wider consideration of how you are seen to support or not support the organization’s cultural values and cultural events. In this case, if you cannot support the director’s position, then you will need to either:

1. remain as an undercover opposer of his position, OR

2. confront him frankly with you views, OR

3. start looking for a job with another company that has a better cultural fit

Which of these is the best option for you will require a lot more teasing out of your circumstances and your values. Even if you are not the HR manager, this trilemma may still strike you as you need to be seen to be supporting the company’s values in front of your direct and indirect reports. These comments are my preliminary thoughts, so I am very keen to hear how others feel.

Sexual harrassment waiting to happen, under the very watchful eyes of the doc’s wives? Doubtful. You are overreactng. SH is probably more likely to happen at the office. Anyway, it would be inappropriate and not well-accepted for you to voice your objection about this.

In my experience a “pool party” refers more to the setting than to the activity of swimming. Very few people actually swim at the pool parties I have attended. I believe it is possible to attend a social event such as a pool party and still maintain the professional reputation I have at the office. Social settings such as a pool party can actually strengthen the business relationships we develop at the office.

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